It’s like that time I said ‘Do you like my house?’ When we first met and you were like ‘ oh, oh I do like your arse, yes’ Yeah, I did like your arse, yes, it’s very nice, thanks House Arse Arse Say house Do you like my house? My house! House House House House, not House, not everything has to be said with a smile That’s not true House Everything is said better with a smile Best, worst Christmas present I mean like, worst is like, because it has to be like, bad enough that it’s memorable Yeah There’s lots of really bad presents, like a book that you didn’t really want Nail varnish, when I don’t paint my nails is quite common She’s got no nails So, worst, it has to be like something… yeah
J: Really bad. Yeah
J: So it has to be pretty bad, really bad I would say, I’m not sure if it was my birthday or Christmas, But I’m going to say it anyway, because my birthday’s quite near to Christmas I got this doll, erm, it was like, i can’t remember what it was called, but it was It was like a really big doll A life sized kind of thing? Well, it’s probably about this big now to me, but I was like five years old, it was like huge, it was half the size of me And it was really scary, like Mum and Dad bought it for me and it was actually because my sister wanted it We were all sat on the bed and we opened it together, and I was just like… Juno was like ‘Yay!!!!’ Wait, did you get matching dolls? Or one doll to play with together? It was my birthday, Juno chose the doll for me Because she wanted it Yeah, because she was like a bit older and she was like ‘I think Claudia would really like that dolly Mummy’ And then I was like ‘Arrggghhh I don’t like it arrrggghhh’ I was actually really scared of it And Juno was like ‘Oh, well I really like it’ And then my mum was like, ‘Claudia obviously doesn’t so we’ll take it back to the shop’ Juno says that she was really upset because she was quite sad because she wanted the doll That wasn’t really the worst present, but I think it’s probably the only present that I’ve received and actually looked at in absolute terror and burst into tears My other, my actual worst, not worst Christmas present but.. I got some insects that you could eat, that was a bit wierd, but actuall quite cool in a wierd way, but I didn’t eat them. There was like, erm, eau de toilette of natural smells Like manure? Or grass was one Who wants to smell like grass? Grass was one. Like those gel pens that are supposed to smell like natural stuff, but they smell disgusting I think mud was another one I have to say, my worst was about that age as well I was about thirteen, I think i was either twelve or thirteen And you know that kind of age where you’re really becoming a teenage girl And what you really want, if you’re me, obviously, not you, nail varnish, make up, clothes Or books about history, because, you know, we all have layers Erm, but no, the present I got given, and it was really bad because I think she meant it in a really loving way was from one of my aunts, she gave me this incredibly heavy box And it was like, Jessica, I feel now that you are twelve/thirteen, you are old enough To fully appreciate and look after this gift And treasure it for what it is I was like whoah!
C:What is it This is a deeply deeply symbolic, significant moment here
C: Yeah, family heirloom Passing from the matriarch of my family down to me And what was it? Oh my gosh! And I opened up the box, and what was it? A bloody fossil Fossils? Have I ever declared an interest in such? No. A twelve year old girl, I got given edible insects and eau de toilette of natural smells, I was like, err, bit wierd but okay A bit wierd, but kind of went along with who you are, you know? And what you enjoy Have I ever liked fossils? Best presents? Best present ever, mine’s really easy My best present ever I actually bought for myself is that allowed? Yeah, he was my christmas present and I bought him. It was Walter! Best Christmas present. I was like, Mother, I’m going to get myself a dog So, i got myself a dog, and brought him back and I was like I have a puppy now But also I’m really ill So we went and bought another one What’s your best christmas present then? You weren’t at Christmas time. I met you in summer Im a present every day I will tell you one of my best presents, as I remember it, Was my skateboard Because like, I really wanted a skateboard. I probably went on. When I really want something I go on and on and on about it yeah, you do And I like research to the death She researches hard. Yeah, I think I must have made some subtle remarks about my want of a skateboard to my parents. But then I thought that it hadn’t sunk in and I thought that they wouldn’t get it for me So that was really nice because then I was… a skateboard!!! Whatever I’m going to give you this year will obviously be your best present ever What is your best ever christmas present and actually, what’s your worst? Which is far more exciting, let us share in your gloom of disgusting horrible gifts that you have received And talking of gifts Who’s going to get the awesome giveaway that we are giving this year? Because christmas is all about giving etc etc And Jesus And Jesus, but we’re super inclusive so it would be open to even Jesus, you could still get given this gift Super inclusive, that’s what lesbians do.
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