Good morning. Today is Wednesday morning, and–it’s all right, they can do whatever they’re doing. Morning play time, apparently. So, I thought that since today and tomorrow I’m going to be filming – ooo, at the BBC – (ooo, in London) – (exciting) – that I would just make a little video and you can follow me around and see what I do, and be a bit more kind of vloggy, because I’m getting ready for Vlogmas. Yay! So, yeah, I need to do my make-up and decide what on Earth I’m wearing today. I actually don’t know. I’m gonna go get Clara to pick. Say, “Hey,” Clara! Clara: Hey! I honestly have no clue, but… I do have many options, in the wardrobe of many things. It’s very deceptive this wardrobe. It actually goes back… further than you can see! Maybe it’s a case of too many options, though, you know? Just don’t know what to go for. [Whispers] Well, yeah! Station! Clara: Yay! J: I swear you’re more excited than I am. Clara: I’m super excited, because I’ve never been to the BBC village–studio before. J: Oooo. Clara: So, that’s going to be really cool. I just really hope we don’t get lost, because it’s massive. I’ve been there before and I think we spent half an hour wandering around, trying to find the right room. It’s OK, though, we have time. We have fourteen minutes. So we’re good. Also, look, isn’t that the cutest picture? Yes! Yes, it is! OK, is the innate beauty – hello – is the innate beauty of train stations something to do with trains in general or the fact that they were built in the industrial era and I quite like industrialised architecture? Clara: I don’t know, it’s probably that. J: And we have ten minutes to spare! J: I love how – by the way, our height difference – that you have to tilt this! J: Hi. Yeah, as you were saying? No, I was saying that I had very little faith we were gonna make it to the train, but turns out we’ve got ten minutes and it’s not like I don’t trust you… J: But it is! The getting ready process–you guys couldn’t imagine how long so I worried. J: To be fair, everything I do takes twice as long as for anyone else to do it. Yeah, but your make-up and hair are very thorough. Like, it took me five minutes to do the full thing in mine. J: Well…I’m very particular. J: Pumpkin spice! Clara: Yay. J: Ruddy love pumpkins! Clara: I’m not a fan. J: She’s not a fan, but I love everything pumpkin. J: How can you not love pumpkins, Clara? Explain yourself. Clara: I find them deeply…meh. J: I feel like I’ve been wounded inside! J: My God, there are stairs everywhere. Right, we’re now hunting for a Boots, because I have left my white eyeliner and I’ve suddenly decided that this is the most important thing ever and I really need it, and I just can’t be without it. Also Lemsip. Mainly Lemsip. I’m living on Lemsip right now. Money off, but only on the horrible flavours that no one buys. Where does Google say we’re going, Clara? Google says we are gonna cross, and then to the right. It’s easier to blame it on Google if I’m wrong. J: Ohh, very true. J: Oh, no, I actually have to go through. Go, go, go! I’m not strong enough to push this door. Oh dear. So, you know, I was actually born in London but I am quite a country girl. I like it for visits, though. Clara: Yeah, it’s really nice, and now we are at a point where we work in London at least once or twice a month but I’m very happy I don’t have to come here every day. Only cross with the green figure, Clara! Green. The green man. Cross. We decided not to run for the one in five minutes, largely because I can’t run or walk quickly. And also because I’m so thirsty and hungry! Clara: Let’s try here? Ooo, God, it smells so good, but it smells like pasty and I can’t eat pastry, but damn it I wish I could. You would think I could have one of these bars because they’re like “gluten-free and blah blah blah,” but then, even if they say sugar-free, they have some other kind of sugar in. So I feel a little bit like I might faint and I made a big mistake with my eating today. Clara’s nodding behind the camera like, “Yeah, Jessica!” “Yeah.” OK, so notes for tomorrow: Eat enough lunch. Because that little – oh, OK – that little pot of green was not enough but now I have veg crisps and an apple and hopefully that will get me home. And of course my caffeine. Can’t live without. Maybe I should sit down before I fall down. That seems like a good plan. You’re filming me taking a selfie of myself; that is so meta I am in so much pain right now. I feel like I’m gonna vomit. But let’s go find my wife! I wanna go home. OK, so Jessica made me turn on the camera to say that things – J: Life lessons. Life lessons. Every time we go to London, we learn a bit more of how manageable it is for Jessica to work in London So today we found out that a small bowl of damn green vegetables is not enough food. No. So, when she says, “No, I don’t need the sushi in Brighton Station! I’ll live!” No. We get the sushi at Brighton Station. J: Get the sushi. J: That’s the lesson of the day. Get the sushi. [Greetings] C: You all right? J: Hello. Hello. Good morning. It’s Thursday morning now. We’re supposed to leave in about–well, in about twenty minutes. Just going to talk to you while I finish putting on my make-up. I was kind of just–I was kind of thinking about yesterday’s filming. When we talked about break-ups and so on and so forth and I feel a bit guilty. Even though I didn’t, you know, no identifying information. Oh, this lens is really dirty, one sec. And yeah, even though there was very much no identifying information, so on and so forth, I’ve only been out with one person other than Claud, so it’s kind of obvious who I’m talking about. But! If a story involves you, doesn’t it make it your story? And your truth, and something that you can share without having to ask the other person because you were there? Or because it’s something that involves two people – well, actually, in this case, our families as well – but two people… Does that mean you have to get the other person’s permission to talk about it? Although, if that is the case, I think many YouTube videos are apparently not allowed. I don’t know, that’s just–I now feel weird, I now feel weird talking about break-ups and whatnot and a bit guilty. It’s also really weird when someone else is filming and editing you because you can’t go back and go, “Oh, God, really shouldn’t have said that!” Delete! “Cut that bit out!” No. Anyway, I don’t know. You watch it. Come back to me. Tell me what you think. Tell me whether you think it’s OK and it’s fine; there’s nothing to be too worried about or what. Just going to keep putting my make-up on. Hello! I know, I’m wearing sunglasses inside; that’s not very cool. So, Claud’s driving us to the station today rather than getting a taxi, which is great because it means, you know, we drive at the right time …if she’s actually ready to go! which she’s not. So, I’m currently Googling alternate routes, because we what, Claud? ‘Cause we what? We’re going to miss our train. C: Yeah, but there’s roadworks. That’s why. J: Yeah! Yeah, there are, God damn it. Although, we were discussing this the other day and we said that, when we’re older and we have kids, our family, we’re always going to be late. “When we’re older.” OK, next year. Not that much older. C: Hopefully our two month old baby’s not going to be like, “You’re always late!” J: That’s true! J: Maybe when they just start [?] C: They’ll, like, Makaton it to us. How do you even do that? C: They probably will, actually. J: Oh, that’s going to be–oh, God, I hope not. Anyway. But we were like, you know what? Our family, we’re always going to be late. We’re always going to be slightly messy. C: Yeah. C: I was like, “It’s a Fozard tradition, OK?” and you were like, “It’s kind of a Kellgren one, too.” C: I’m like, “They’re like double…” J: Yeah, Kellgren-Fozards, this is what you get. We’re late, we’re a bit messy, but we’re always happy and full of love. Hopefully my hair is doing better today than yesterday. It was so drizzly! So upset. J: That was actually really cool. I quite appreciated that, actually. C: My mobile forehead. J: I’m not gonna lie, that’s so sexy. That kind of did something for me, there. C: Easily pleased. J: Yeah, if we didn’t have to go and film I would jump you right now. But we do, so come on! J: So we’re finished. Yay! J: And now it’s time for my pills. C: Yeah. C: Have you got them? J: Yeah, I’ve got them, and–food! because I made egg fried rice this morning and now I’ve just got a fork from the Vietnamese man. No, a man on a Vietnamese stall. The fact that he’s Vietnamese doesn’t actually play into his giving me the fork. C: How do you know he was? Just because he’s selling at a Vietnamese food stall and he looks slightly Asian. C: He could be Chinese. C: He could be Thai. He could be Malaysian. Did you ask him? J: He could be Malaysian, I’ll give you that. C: Woah, I’ve gotta keep these on. J: How do you think I did, wife? C: You did really, really well. J: I’m gonna eat these while we talk. C: Yeah, I think you did really well. J: Good. C: Like, I could tell you were a bit tired and hot at the beginning; you had a little bit of time to just relax into it but I think that was fine, you know, and then I sort of gave you a little pep talk. I said, “Just imagine you’re at Sam and Julia’s party and you’re talking to one of their friends who doesn’t know anything and you’re trying to educate them about disability facts and figures,” and then one she was like – and then the girl was like – “List your…” J: “Tell me some facts and figures.” C: “Tell me some facts,” and then you got really into, like, your Jessica vibe. C: Because you were like, “Oh, well I know lots of stuff, actually, yeah.” J: I really love facts and figures. C: Yeah, you do, you know loads of stuff. J: Like how homosexuality has been found in over 1,500 different species J: That doesn’t necessarily relate to disability, but… J: There we go. J: Do you like it? Is it nice? C: Yeah. C: That was one really big, sticky bit of rice J: Yeah, yeah. J: There’s a lot of clumps of rice in this. C: Isn’t there a whole YouTube channel where some people just sit down and eat different meals with the camera? J: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. C: So that people feel like they’re sharing a meal with them? J: Yeah, and people who live stream and stuff. J: I think they do it in places like Hong Kong a lot, because people eat individually; they don’t sit down and eat with their families. C: So they have like a Skype call, but rather than it being Skype, they’re doing it on YouTube so they can have a meal with, like, twenty thousand people? J: Yeah, yeah. J: So, this one girl sits there eating some food and talking a bit, and then twenty thousand people watch her doing that, and that makes them feel not alone. C: OK J: There you go. J: I think it’s largely girls. C: Oh, is it because it’s slightly pornographic? C: Why did we get onto this?! C: We’re gonna go to China Town in a minute. J: Yeah, we’re going to get stuff for Steamboat on Saturday. C: We’re going to have some scenes of our rest of our day in London now. C: Hope you enjoy! J: Aww, so just had a very classic moment where we walked across the road and I was staring at Claud with all that look of love in my eyes, like “Oh, I just love you so much” and there was this twenty-something chap coming the other way, and he looked at me like… [Gasp] “Me?!” And I just went… and just stared at Claudia like, “…Claudia!” “No, it’s him!” And his little face went from [excited] to [disappointed] C: Mine! J: Yes. [Mwah] No one steals your lady! C: No. C: What are you perving on? J: What? C: I said who are you perving on? J: I’m just enjoying some history, Claudia. J: Look, his face was chopped off. J: Charles the second. J: It’s beautiful. C: This is a London talking tour with Jessica. C: The history of Soho. C: I don’t know what Charles the second had to do with Soho. C: Was he a raging gay? J: Quite possibly. J: I mean, I can’t say for sure. I never met the chap and I never saw him engaging in any kind of homosexual conduct, but… C: Wait. C: Stop. C: Wait, you’re saying you’re not from George’s – George? Charles? Henry? Edward? – J: George the second. C: George the second’s era?! C: I thought you would’ve met him! J: Oh, no, it was Charles! 20th century house! What? I just like saying things out loud. C: I thought you were going to give us some amazing fact about 20th century houses. C: I was like, “Oh, is it like a film studio or something?” C: No. J: Twentieth century house! C: She just likes to prove she can read. J: Pub. J: Sparkly Nandos. J: Gay Nandos! J: We’re in China Town! J: We’re gonna get some Malaysian food, because…obviously J: Malaysian food. J: And I’m really hungry, and my feet hurt. J: Actually, they look really bad, as well. J: I did not realise that before I made you look at them. J: You don’t need to zoom in! C: What is it? J: It’s nasi lemak. And I’m so excited, because when we went to Malaysia I couldn’t eat rice and this is the first nasi lemak I can eat J: These are all of our goodies. J: You can see here. J: They’re ready for the hot pot this weekend. J: We’ve got egg noodles–boring, I can’t eat those. J: Then we’ve got fish-flavoured tofu! J: Which is like a freeze block, basically, of frozen tofu. J: You could smack someone with this. J: Quite a good bag! I think that’s enough. J: Beansprouts! J: Some rice noodles. Good stuff. J: And some more noodles. J: Hii! J: Oh, hello! J: Hello, you two! Oh, my gosh. J: Hi!
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