You don’t have to love your body [CC]

You don’t have to love your body [CC]


– Hello, lovely people! If you’re new here then hi, I’m Jessica. I use my channel to make
videos about heavy things in a light hearted way. Mainly disability, deafness,
and chronic illness related, but also gay things. We have a lot of gayness here. Subscribe if that seems like your thing. Today we’re diving back
into a sticky topic, bodies. We all have them, we all
have feelings about them. We all have feelings about
other people’s bodies, often in relation to our own. Or we’re just really rude
and enjoy casting judgment on other people’s appearances. Supposedly we’re meant
to do the most thinking about our bodies during our teenage years, but really I think
we’re always in constant ebb and flow of positives and
negatives about our bodies. Often that relates to growing up or aging, but the relationship can
become particularly strained when illness or disability
is included in the mix. We’ve probably all heard
the term body positivity and likely a very vague
idea of what that means. Being positive about bodies
that are often marginalized is the original concept, because it’s actually a political movement created by plus-sized women of color who face a lot of negativity
about their bodies. But it’s be co-opted to be the
peak of Instagram blandness giving another excuse for people with socially acceptable bodies to take pictures of themselves in bikinis. What? It’s true, I mean,
who doesn’t love a good off-duty model in a bikini shot, but please do not act like you
are curing the world hunger by posting your perfect derriere. That’s not body positivity,
the political movement. It’s just body confidence, the feeling. What I will say however
is that it’s lovely that there’s a greater
encouragement to think and feel positively about our bodies. It’s the only body we’ve got after all. It’s important to care for
it, but here’s a secret. I don’t love my body and that’s okay. From a photo you would
probably look at my body and think, “Well, that looks
like a perfectly average “socially acceptable body to me!” And yes, yes yes yes it is. It’s also really broken
and messed up on the inside and that gives me some complex feelings, which I had a discussion about with a lovely girl called Meg, as part of Teenage Cancer
Trust’s #StillMe campaign. The idea of #StillMe
is to acknowledge that whilst your body will go through changes you can still be positive about it or not if that’s how you’re feeling today. – [Both] Hello lovely people. – That was really good. – Okay, I think I messed up at the end. – Well done.- No, no, I was impressed. – Okay, thank you. – Today I am joined by Meg and
we’re gonna be talking about how you don’t actually
have to love your body, but also you can love your
body even when other people are saying you couldn’t love your body and there’s no right way or wrong way to think about your own
body because it’s your body. So you and I both have
had kind of interesting – – Relationships. – journeys with our bodies. – Yep, yep. – Yeah, do wanna tell
us a bit about yours? – I was 21, so this was
two and half years ago and I was diagnosed with a blood cancer called Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. So I went through
chemotherapy and lost my hair and that obviously had
a really big impact on just how I felt about myself. I came out the other side, last week was my two year clear, but I still, you know, you
still deal with these things. Your relationship with your
body’s completely changed so yeah, that’s why I’m
here to talk about it. – And already it being young
is quite a difficult time – Yeah. – to get ill in itself
because when we’re teenagers or when we’re in our early 20s, we’re still developing
our own relationships – Yeah. – with our bodies. And I imagine when you
were 21 you didn’t have this, kind of, crystal clear vision of – No. – who you were and what you look like and you were totally okay with
every single part of you. – No, definitely not
but I think I also had never really had to think about it. I was quite lucky up until that point that I never had to really understand how I felt about myself. I was kind of confident,
just like a normal, I was just a normal 21 year old and then I didn’t have any
of the coping mechanisms you need for things like that because I just never had to learn them. You realize things you thought
you were confident about, you maybe weren’t and then
you learn a little more about what actually made you confident before and it probably wasn’t
what you thought it was. – No, I get that. When I first got ill I was 17 and up to that point, I hadn’t
really ever thought about the way I looked – Yeah. – that much at all. I
was really into fashion, but the way that my body was formed – Yeah. – Wasn’t something that upset me or that – Yeah. – I ever had to really even think about. And I guess there’s that
level of privilege with that, – Yeah. – I had a body that no one
was gonna look twice at. – And when you did get ill
– Fine. (laughs) – When you were 17, what, for you, was the
hardest part about that? – So when I became
really ill when I was 17, I lost weight kind of gradually over the first year, I think. And then it just sort of
plateaued because I have connective tissue problems
that associate to my guts and my digestion and how I digest things and I stopped being able
to digest food properly so I was in taking a lot of calories. I may be having cake
and cream for breakfast and I just could not keep weight on. There was almost something
that was positive about it in that I look more ill. – Mmm-hmm. – And it was easier for me to be treated – Yeah. – Because when you go hospital and you have an invisible illness, you don’t get treated
necessarily very seriously – Yeah. – Because people can’t
tell what’s going on, but when you look very ill, suddenly people are like,
“Oh, can I help you?” – Yeah. – It had a really negative
impact on the people around me in my life, which I found the most
surprising part of it. – In what way? – In that, people around me would sort of remind me that I didn’t look good. – Right, yeah. – They would be like,
“Oh, it’s such a shame “that you’re this thin.” And I’m like, – Yeah, not helpful. – Is this an okay thing to say
to someone? I don’t think so. – I used to have really
really long blonde curly hair and then when I knew I was gonna lose it, I wanted to donate it to
the local Princess Trust – Oh! – Cause they give me a wig so I was like, “Okay, fine, you can have
some of my old bleached hair, “that’s fine. You can take it.” And so I cut it into a
little pixie to give, and then when it started
to fall out from there, I thought, “Okay, I’m just gonna shave it “before it all falls out.” I actually, weirdly, had a
really really fun day with it because my friend came
’round and did my make-up, I bought a new outfit, I got some really big colorful earrings and it helped me feel like me
when I didn’t look me at all. – And it’s also taking that choice back, – Right, yeah. – That, like, shaving your own head – Yeah. – Before all the hair falls out. – Exactly. Because at that point, and you must feel the same, that all these decisions and
things are happening around you but you are not asked about it and it’s just nice sometimes to
grab on to whatever you can to make it feel like it’s part of your own decision what’s happening
rather than feeling completely helpless about the whole thing. – I had a thing when I was
hospital where I had to, like, I had to color my hair. Every night looking my best, I had to put my red lipstick
on, like, looking horrific. I did not look good. – It’s the little things, it really is. I used to have my make-up
done to go to chemo just to try to cover
how gray I was looking and I’d walk in and the
nurses would be like, “Gorgeous, glamorous patient.”
– You’re looking nice. – Well, okay.
– Where have you been today? (laughs) – I remember feeling really
guilty about feeling the way I was feeling about my
body because at that point, you kind of feel like,
“Got bigger problems. “I’ve got more I should
be dealing with, you know. “Other people have got it worse, “I have it really easy, I’ve not, “You know, nothing else
has really changed for me.” But, it was really important for me and, yeah, really helped. – It can be quite difficult
when we get a lot of messages from society and social media and this isn’t going the way
you probably think it will, but people are like, “Oh
social media, it’s so bad “because it, you know,
makes us focus on our looks, “blah blah blah blah blah “And it’s kind of belittling.” But then, at the same time, we do live in a society
that is focused on looks and when the choice gets
taken away from you, and when you are looking not your best, – Yeah. – it’s very nice to feel
like I have the power in this and I can decide to put on make-up. Just because something
is happening to our body, it doesn’t have to change who you are. – So I had an, she was called, like, a Clinical Nurse Specialist from the Teenage Cancer Trust, and she, we would meet
every couple of weeks while I was on treatment, just to chat about things
and how things were going, and I started to really struggle with just, my confidence and
it was developing into an anxiety about things and it was, just, a really low time for me and she was like, “Why
do you feel so, kind of, “lacking in confidence?” And I said, “It’s because I
don’t have any hair anymore.” And she was like, “Oh,
so were you confident “because you had hair?” I was like, “No, that’s silly.
Of course I wasn’t confident “because I had hair, I was confident – ” And we would like work
through the different things about me and my life
and the people around me that made me feel like me, like Meg, and realize that some of it
might look a little different right now but actually the
basis of it was still there. – Yeah, like, our outsides
are just representations of the confidence that we
feel inside based on who we are as people. – Yeah. – How awesome we are. – Exactly, and things that
we’re, like, passionate about and people we like to spend time with, they make you feel like you. – Yeah. – So that’s really important to, like, get as much of as you can. I wanted to talk to you a
little bit about social medias, and we touched on it before but, I think, I started following when I got poorly a lot of people who blogged or posted on Instagram or whatever about their own illnesses,
not just cancer, but, like, any form of serious illness and talked about it a lot, and I thought it was
interesting for me because you would see some things on social media and, like, when I would just be, like, lying in hospital scrolling on Instagram, having, like, the worst FOMO about I was wasn’t on holiday with my friends. – Yeah. – But then you also
were connected to people who were talking about things
that you were experiencing in a really lovely way – [Jessica] Yeah. – That made me feel like I
wasn’t going through it on my own I wanted to ask a little
bit about, kind of, you know, why you got
into talking about it and having that positive
conversation about it. – Yeah, I think it’s too
easy nowadays to have that idea about how evil social media is and while it’s true that,
especially very ill people who we kind of feel like
we’ve dropped out of life – Yeah. – For a bit, you do have
that fear of, “Oh gosh, “Look at everyone else with
their life that’s moving on, “Excellent, good, now I feel worse.” But there is that amazing positive side of you finally feel connected. – Yeah. – Because it’s very difficult
to talk to your friends who maybe you’ve had years and years, and you love them and they love you, but they don’t know what
it’s like to have cancer. – They don’t get it, no. – You know, like, I can’t
explain this to you. I can tell you and you can feel sorry but you cannot feel exactly
what it feels like. And I, when I was particularly really ill, I spent two years on bed
rest and while I was there, obviously spent a lot of time with myself and I finally got through thinking that there must be other people who are also in that same position and feeling like they probably
felt as alone as I did and so, what I should try and do would be to get out and to spread awareness of the kind of people who
fall through the gaps, – Yeah. – But also bring people
together, so it’s like, “Hey, I went through that too,
you’re going through that, “it’s okay, there’s gonna be an end, “and if there isn’t an
end, that’s also fine. “And we can all come together.” So I think social media is
an incredibly positive thing, because it allows me to
connect the outside world whereas I don’t actually
leave my house that much. I’m actually just in my house. YouTube is a perfect job for me. – (laughs) – Because I don’t have the
energy to leave my house. – I actually didn’t know
anyone else who had had cancer, like, it wasn’t, it doesn’t
really run in my family. I knew friends who’s aunt may
have had it a few years ago, but I definitely didn’t know of anyone my own age who had had it, and I was living in my
parent’s house which is a little bit kind of in the country, it’s not, I wasn’t around people and having people who were, like yourself, were, like, talking about it, for people who you won’t
interact with, kind of, in person but you find them online, was so important and just, yeah, to make you feel like you
weren’t doing it on your own and make you feel a
little bit more normal. I think I really craved feeling normal when I felt really really abnormal. – I think it also helps with things like reducing your guilt. – Yeah. – Like we talked about how you can, you feel the guilt of like,
“Why do I care about my hair “when everyone says I
should be caring about these “bigger and more important things?” But also the guilt of,
like, you know what? I just don’t love my body. – Yeah. – And a lot of social media
is that that, kind of, you gotta be really
positive about yourself, just love yourself no matter
what, and I don’t now. There are many days when
I’m like, “I hate my body.” I would trade in a heartbeat, like, I wanna be in some other body
thanks, right now, let’s go. But unfortunately, can’t happen. But I think it’s a shame to minimize those feelings, the guilt,
– Yeah. – Because you don’t have to love your body and you don’t have to hate it all of the time.
– No. – There’s like that happy
in-between, everything’s okay. – I just, I had a saying
when I was poorly, and I always just said,
“Feel your feelings.” So if I was feeling sad,
feel sad, it’s okay. Don’t try and be like,
“We’ve got this.”, positive. And if you’re feeling happy, don’t feel bad for feeling happy. And I think it’s the same with
not feeling very comfortable in yourself because, you’re right, this whole body positive movement is phenomenal and more power to it, but at the same time, when
your body’s going through a lot of changes caused
by illness or whatever, it can be really hard
to identify with that when you’re just not feeling it. Like, you’re just not feeling your body and it’s done something to annoy, or you don’t like what it looks like, or it’s changed really drastically, feeling like you shouldn’t
be feeling like that, or you should be celebrating
it because look where we are, look what it’s done for us. But it’s okay, I think like, what I’ve learned from it is
not view it as, like, static. Right? That you now, I now love my body or I now hate my body. It’s like, it will change. It changes multiple times a day, it changes over weeks and months. Like, for me, it’s about working towards feeling confident in myself. So as long as I’ve got that driving me, it’s fine and it’s okay to,
like, not recognize yourself in your body and
– I like that. – Just keep trying. – Yeah, feel your feelings. – Yeah. Feeling your feelings
– That’s nice. – That’s what I always say.
– I like it. There we go, I think that
is the wonderful end message of this video that you
can take away with you. Feel your feelings, no
feelings are bad feelings. – No. – Because they’re yours. Thank you so much for joining us, Meg. – Thank you so much, it’s been so lovely. – It’s been lovely to meet you. Thank you so much for watching. I hope that you take from this video the message that you and your personality are unique and special
and that’s what’s amazing. Plus, that your feelings are yours whether they’re good to bad, they’re yours to feel. Thanks for joining us for this video and I shall see you in my next one. (upbeat music)

90 Comments

  • H N says:

    This was so great, I have so many complicated feeling about my body that a lot of times isn't very positive. It's just nice to hear someone say it is okay to not love your body.

  • Emmie Sage says:

    Omg, I love your necklace!!!!

  • Kara Shea says:

    Hello Jessica, I know this probably isn't the right way to inform you of this, and I don't even know if you already know, but a group called Nerd City posted a list of words that, if the YouTube bots finds in a video title, automatically demonetizes the video. A couple of those words are "gay" and "lesbians" ("Lesbian" seems to be fine so far). I don't know if this also applies to content within the video, but I truly hope it doesn't. Again, I don't know if you already know this, but it's completely unfair, and I wanted to let you know because you don't deserve to have your videos demonetized just for being who you are.
    Here is the link to the spreadsheet of demonetized words that Nerd City created:
    https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1ozg1Cnm6SdtM4M5rATkANAi07xAzYWaKL7HKxyvoHzk/htmlview#

  • Chris Moon says:

    Thank you for making this video, I was just complaining about my body to a few friends today. It';s tough when your "illness is invisible" and people wonder why I can't do this or that, it's so tiresome! HUGS to you and I wish you good days! 💖🧡💛💚💙💜

  • Not So Graceful says:

    I have gender dysphoria, so this really helped!

  • Izzy says:

    This was great, such smart eloquent women the both of you! Super helpful perspectives.

  • MrCumberlander1 says:

    Yeah. I've really struggled with watching my friends move forward with their lives while I'm stuck in the same place I was 4 years ago because of my mental health.

  • Maghouin Beg says:

    had a bit of a revelation whilst watching this video. When I was 14 my body started falling apart, and I've had a bad relationship with it since then. I'm now in my 50s, and I still don't love my body.

    I don't love my body (have good warm feelings, like it). There are many good things it can do, like give awesome hugs, express love, make wonderful things, allow me to work and earn money. There are many things I can't do, but some of those thing are down to how I treat my body. I've been a comfort eater, and I weigh far too much, and this puts a great strain on my poor body.

    I'm going to physically love, care and nurture this body. I'm going to help it become a better version of itself. It's going to get good food, exercise, rest and attention. I'm going to look after me.

  • Dahlia Legacy says:

    I think we have to get we are a work in progress and that's ok, just do what you can and let that be rewarding enough.

  • Bonnie Dresden says:

    "It's okay to not recognize yourself in your body" really resonates with me.
    Thank you for this wonderful interview!

  • Barbra Nowa says:

    Your work is amazing. Thank you both for this talk. Made my morning more meaningful 😊

  • gnubaum says:

    no matter how you feel about yourself on a particular day, the most important is to be gentle and caring towards yourself. just because you don't like your body for the way it looks or what it can't do today doesn't mean you don't deserve to get your meds in, eat some nutritious foods and wear clothing that feels comfy. you are your body and the better you care for it the better it will feel even if your best is not comparable to someone elses best.

  • 수화KSL DEAF says:

    굿 ㅋㅋㅋ

  • Joe_oftheDead says:

    I always say "I might not love my body (myself), but at least I'll try to respect it (myself)!" And that means treating it well. It makes me feel a lot better.

  • akiko Isobel says:

    I don't talk negatively about my body or anyone else's. Everyone goes through their own struggles with their bodies.

  • Darth Blob says:

    The outside of my body is quite great. But the inside: chronic illnesses, frequent infections, pain, fatigue, constant derealization makes me often hate it.

  • ELO C. says:

    Strong message, amazing ! Thank you Jessica for your videos. Merci 🙂

  • Uni corn says:

    In my teenage years I didn't think about my body…

  • Elen Allen says:

    I've always compared myself to other and they always won . But as I've gotten older I just except it , someday am hot as hell and other times nothing works . I take a glass of wine am I okay ! 😁

  • Remy Morrissey says:

    Thank you for all of the lovely points in this video, but especially the positive talk about using social media

  • Rod says:

    I'm short, fat, going bald, and have a great face for radio. It is what it is, why should I worry about things that I can't really do anything about? I can go to the gym more, maybe wear a hat? I'm too busy watching football and eating stuff my doctor would hate me for eating. I'm only going to wear a hat if it's raining, because I don't like it when it rains on my head. If you don't like the body I'm in, go away. I don't like judgy people anyway. 😀

  • Sarah with Onyx the crap guide dog says:

    Thanks to both of you for acknowledging that it’s not always possible to love your body especially when it’s changing due to illness and making this video

  • Sarah with Onyx the crap guide dog says:

    Thanks to both of you for acknowledging that it’s not always possible to love your body especially when it’s changing due to illness and making this video

  • Jenn Crook says:

    This is such an amazing and powerful video!!! I hope millions of people see this! 💚💗💚💗💚

  • Dianne Martino says:

    Some days I hate it. Some days I love it, and some days I feel sorry for it.

  • Chris Paez says:

    Yay gay. I love the gay. I’m gay. <3

  • January Milk says:

    As someone whose own body causes them constant pain it was nice to see this verbalised!

  • crypt0Stega73 says:

    "Feel your feelings" merch? 🤨😂

  • Ashton Hunter says:

    Damn it I can't like this video more than once. It's so good and a message everyone needs to hear!

  • Ileana Profeanu says:

    towards the end of the video, while thinking that this does not apply to me, I realized that it does actually apply, but not about my body necessary (although there are a lot of things i should work on there), but about my brain, and the way it is wired, having to deal with dyslexia, obsessive compulsive tendencies, ongoing feelings of depression, anxiety, insomnia or hypochondria makes me really have mixed feelings about my brain, which otherwise serves me well most of the time.

  • Tricia says:

    Would you ever make a video on depression and ways to deal? Your videos honestly really help me

  • Teresa Fisher says:

    What does Claudia do for work?

  • Josefina Hernandez says:

    I had to delete Instagram and most “friends” from my Snapchat just to make me feel better. My self love is like a roller coaster sometimes I love myself and sometimes I hate myself and if I feel low or pointing something about my body that I don’t like someone would always say “I wish i had your body” but I don’t even want my own body sometimes. I’m doing better now I just wish I could afford to be more fashionable to look and feel good.

  • Shigaraki’s Lips says:

    Wow even with the amazing views you’ve brought up I would have expected the body positively mob would have still came for blood.

  • Shala Carter says:

    It was started by Plus-sized Black women? But, but, black women can be any size and be gorgeous.

  • TheFrigidsnow says:

    This! I have a small frame but overly large breasts. Sadly every time I dress up and feel good , I get sexual comments or just perverted looks. So I am constantly between, i want to love my body but I don’t want to show it because I’d get bad attention ( got assaulted previously and have PTSD) so then I hate my boobs. Even when I wear oversized clothing, I just look heavier than I am and I just feel unattractive .I just want to enjoy my youth and feel good in my body but I am constantly battling against being sexualised or feeling like a potato. And when women are using body positivity as a way to satisfy the male gaze and just label every attention to a body part as a compliment, I just get mad. But everytime I feel insecure about my body I shouldn’t complain according to others because other girls would looovee my body type. So frustrating.

  • Nick says:

    Hi Jess! I have a suggestion for an upcoming video if youre interested in talking about it! I was wondering about how you've experienced music in your life. What you liked to listen to before you lost hearing, if you are still able to hear any kinds of music, or if you still keep up with musicians by reading lyrics and watching music videos. I'm really interested to hear your experience!

  • Lil' Cat says:

    I'm a little bit overweight and my hair is bleached and dry my spine has a large curve my jawline is soft and my eyebrows are very thick and dark I don't love my body but everytime I bring it up people say oh shut up your beautiful and I agree that I'm really pretty but I don't always feel that way I'm working to be more body positive but sometimes people use it as an excuse towards being unhealthy which I am and I'm working out more. quite often people get oddly upset with me for me trying to change things about myself I'm not cutting into my skin with a knife or getting implants I'm working out and dying my hair to feel better about myself. You don't need to feel shame for not liking how you look or wanting to change things just stay healthy and try to check and search your feelings for if it's truly you don't like your jawline or if it's another issue entirely

  • Elio says:

    I have PCOS so it’s difficult for me to lose weight. I’ve always been overweight and I’m going to have to wait a few years till I actually get treated.

    I’ve never had much body confidence but I’ve just accepted that my body looks like this now and I can’t change that for now. I’m focusing on my hobbies and future instead.

  • poophead10406 says:

    Wow, I wish I could've found this in grad school, because this completely pertains to my research and artistic practice. Bodies are such a strange, superficial, yet deeply psychological entity (thing). It's so weird that people will react to the physical state of your body even if that doesn't match up with your current mental state because no one (except you) knows what you are truly feeling. I really appreciate all you discuss and do on your channel, and I think you have such a wonderful insight on what it means to have a body and I greatly appreciate you sharing your experience with us 💖

  • moiz85 says:

    I sometimes find it helpful to think of compassion instead of love. I can have compassion for my body even when we're screwed up and hurting.

  • Shannon Vincent says:

    I love this video so much! I discovered your channel early last year, just before I was suddenly diagnosed with Leukaemia. I was treated in the Teenage Cancer Trust unit in Cardiff and had to undergo a bone marrow transplant in order to treat my cancer. I'm currently disease free and a lot better! This video hit so close to home and I really related to what you discussed with Meg. I found your videos so comforting when I was in hospital. They made me feel a lot less alone in my illness, even though our illnesses are different. To this day I still struggle with my weight, scars, and stretch marks associated with my illness and I'm so thrilled to see you covering this topic! It's so important. Sending you so much love, Jessica! ❤️

  • NekoGrace 79 says:

    Happy to hear Meg(?) came out the other side!!!
    This is such a helpful channel for me. I’ve not found anyone that’s suffered or felt the same way. I don’t have a connective tissue disorder (although it was on the list for a while when we were trying to figure out what I had) but there’s an anxiety with how suddenly you change physically. The you in the mirror isn’t the same anymore. And it feels like it happens overnight. Ppl around you don’t understand what you’re going through and tend to back away from conversations. Then you just feel left behind. So thank you for speaking.

  • JuMixBoox says:

    Now, that I actually do love my body, after putting a lot of effort into that, I really get how hard it is. Not that I have been through anything like you two, but I understand how important it must be to also be allowed to accept that your body just sucks right now.

  • LillacStudios says:

    The body positivity was a movement invented by fat people for fat people and was co opted by companies to sell soap. There is an element for sure that was about disability because of how fatness, disability and race issues can be so intertwined at times. When fat people tried to talk about this they were slapped down with "but not all non-fat people" type of narratives, thin people centering the conversation on their body issues, and more. So in Body Positive circles the idea of Body Neutrality was formed that is for everyone including people who are thin shamed, people with psychiatric disorders, people who have complex issues about their bodies and people who fit into the standard ideas of beauty but still struggle with self image. These ideas literally came from the very people that had their movement taken from them by huge conglomerates. I just wanted to bring this up because I think the fact the very people who the movement was for had to do the emotional/psychological labor for those that the movement wasn't for should be acknowledged. Not criticizing the video.

  • KaLeigh says:

    Another great topic! Lovely message from lovely ladies.

  • KeetyAlexx says:

    I like, for the most part, how my body LOOKS. But I hate how my body WORKS. It doesn’t work right and that’s frustrating AF.

  • im19ice3 says:

    relatable, my balanced middle-placebetween love and hate for my body is just acceptance, my body as aseparate but inalienable characteristic of me, in bad days we fight but whether i want it or not we go to bed together and wake up together the next day, whatever happens then does under the knowledge that try as i could to ignore it the sooner we reach enough neutrality to cooperate with each other the better

  • Stevie Lou Nicholls says:

    Talk about good timing, Jessica. Just had most of my brain tumour removed, off to Oncology tomorrow for first time to discuss Radiotherapy plan and stuff to get rid of rest. Best feelings sent to both of you

  • Irtap says:

    Jessica, your channel does so much good. You have a social mission and make a difference. You are amazing. Keep it up, lovely lady.

  • Paloma Sanchis says:

    ☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️

  • Elizabeth Blackwell says:

    Thanks for this vid because my bodies been putting me in the hospital a lot since I was 17 and I’m so sick of it. I got a surgery in February that was supposed to fix it and I was really looking forward to going abroad this summer but now I’ve been in the hospital for 6 days and now I’m losing hope about being able to go to another country

  • Paloma Sanchis says:

    Plus our brain is constantly thinking and trigering feelings. We can follow that path to try to select our better ideas, the ones to move us fordward to our goals, and let go the non recommended ones hehe. But yes we can be on a constant flow sometimes! Don't blame yourself 😊

  • MinXian Brown says:

    Is it me or do their hair partings kind of line up with the blanket?!

  • RealRiel says:

    I have been subscribed to you for a few weeks, and totally separate from that, started a weight loss journey. Today I was literally posting my first video about what I am doing and about some issue I have with body positivity. I happened to click on this video while I waited for my video to upload, and I am so happy I did. This helped me put words to what I was feeling that I didn't say. I am in a place where this video was just what I needed. Thank you.

  • Bonnie A says:

    Re trading bodies and having a socially acceptable body – I had a friend from university who had really bad acne/scars. She used to carry on about how nice my skin was and once said I had no idea how lucky I was and that she would give anything to have my nice skin. I was dumbfounded. She knew all about my health issues and had seen me when I wasn't well. I wanted to ask her if she would take my nice skin if it also came with all my health problems.

  • Bonnie A says:

    Re the body positivity co-opting – I also feel like "self-care" has been co-opted. Self-care isn't something people with disabilities and/or health issues have a choice in. I don't spend all weekend in bed because I'm lazy (despite what my family says), I do it so I can get through the following 5 days of work and earn that paycheck I need because I have to be my own support system. Self-care isn't about indulging in a mani/pedi because you've had a stressful well at work, it's about actually caring for yourself so that you can function.

    /hottake

  • Beatrice Engman says:

    Thank you for this video. I am all for the body positivity movement. Bodyposipanda is my go-to girl when I need to remind myself not to destroy my body. But at the same time, as you say, it is important to know your feelings and accept that you can't always love your body. Thank you! Wonderful video.

  • Laura Parker says:

    Thank you, I needed this x

  • MiMi Winkelman says:

    I almost never feel confident about my body because I have dysphoria and it makes me really self conscious.

  • Another Person says:

    A general question towards anyone who has a chronic illness/going through a rough patch in hospital- what are some of the way healthcare workers can show they are supportive?
    I try to notice when my patients wear make up in hospital; or paint their nails; do their hair and complement them on it, or try to cheer them up when they get really down about their bodies; but it's a tricky balance. Do I listen to them put them/their bodies down when it feels like their bodies are failing them, and just be a listening sympathetic ear; or do I try to encourage them and be positive (knowing how annoying it is when someone else tries to make you feel positive when you're feeling shit)? I want to help, but don't want to offend and potentially make them feel worse.

  • Inigo Montoya says:

    Can we please get Jessica and Claudia in charge of this broken country, they would do a better job than the pompous imbecile in charge now. Stupid Boris and his pork pie nonsense

  • Rachel Johnson says:

    I really needed this!

  • AndWhatIsThisNow says:

    THANK YOU. Accepting your body is important, loving it is great if you can, but it's still okay to exist with a human body you don't love and don't want to show off. And it's okay to not believe you're beautiful, because it's okay to not be beautiful. It's not okay to treat people like there's something wrong in their heads if they don't run around singing their own praises all the time. life is easier if you can accept yourself, but accepting yourself doesn't necessarily mean unconditionally loving every part of yourself. Sometimes you just make up your mind to work with what you've got.

  • sebeckley says:

    Hi Jessica, just saw your video on memory loss. Thought you might like this post it note case for your pocket when you have pockets: https://www.etsy.com/listing/684231038/leather-sticky-notes-cover-leather?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=notepad+carry+case&ref=sr_gallery-1-1&organic_search_click=1&frs=1

  • Evelyn Keating says:

    I guess I didn't realize you had this health melt down at 17, and I wouldn't wish it on my greatest enemy, but I'm also sobbing to know I'm not alone T.T. It sounds identical to the one that hit me at 21. I lost a ton of weight/muscle mass, food was going right through me poorly digested, and everyone around me just thought it was dieting taken too far. (because well, I was "too young" to have all the issues described) I took me 6 years, facing down homelessness, endless internet research, and 5 different docs to get me to the diagnosis's (still not on paper tho, because my insurance doesn't cover the expensive tests I need) I needed and the meds/diet that would help me actually retain nutrition. And I wouldn't have accomplished any of it without the help of a dedicated partner and some very committed queer comrades! It's good to be reminded that it's okay to have people outside of you be reality anchors for who you are when your internal reality is on fire/falling apart. <3

  • Irithil Móreadhiel says:

    Why did I just get a Trump ad before this video?!?!? Love you, Jessica 💜💜

  • 88 Agent says:

    Heavy comedy is my cup of tea

  • kitty cartoon says:

    It´s so important to know the differences between bodypositivity and bodylove!<3

  • shesaysdisco says:

    The most powerful thing in this video, for me, is your and Megan’s point that your feelings toward your body aren’t static and it’s normal and okay for them to change. I don’t have to say “I love my body” or “I hate my body” and feel that way forever, or even for the whole day. I think I get a little trapped in the thought that I dislike my body (when I’m feeling negative about it) and start to think that I always will dislike my body, but that’s not true! You two are absolutely right that how you feel about your body can change multiple times each day, so it doesn’t pay to feel guilty about not liking your body, since your feelings may change quickly anyway! ❤️

  • Lilith Esque says:

    I'm currently in the worst recurrence of my chronic depressive and anxiety disorders that there's been for a long while, and it's wrecked my self-esteem inside and out. Looking in the mirror is tough some days so I really needed and appreciate this video today. Thank you!

  • Rose Coloured Life says:

    I love this video! It is so hard to hear that you have to always love your body when you just.. don't. I'm so glad that you are so open ❤

  • Dnyss says:

    You remind me of karolina zebrowska!

  • Jay Chapman says:

    Thank you Jessica. I appreciate the message. Often these days we are shamed for feeling negatively about our bodies.
    I was waiting for you and Meg to discuss the loss of trust in your body and how you live/d with it – when that young the sense of immortality is so strong but usually unconscious – being faced with a serious illness slams us into the fragility of our flesh.

  • Ainya Snyder says:

    Hi Jessica! This video was wonderful! I wanted to show you a couple of shoes that I found that were the no buckle shoes where you put the buckle part over the hook thingy. Just wanted to show you!
    Shoe #1 https://www.wunderwelt.jp/en/products/w-23872
    Shoe #2 https://www.wunderwelt.jp/en/products/w-10438

  • Folio Musings says:

    Your videos are so necessary. I struggle with a lot but it’s unbelievably comforting to hear it spoken by someone else. Thank you 💚

  • Kit La Touche says:

    You do good work. Thank you.

  • Erin Heaberlin says:

    This video is everything that I needed today. I will admit that I fall into the "I don't love my body" category. I've never had a good relationship with it due to my medical condition wreaking havoc, and even with a kidney transplant eight months ago, it's still a daily battle for me to get out of bed and do things because surprise gaining 22 lbs in 8 months is not doing my small frame, messed up spine and gut any favors.

  • Kelli Sees says:

    Side camera Jessica is my FAVORITE Jessica 😂

  • Sanatae says:

    "We have a lot of gayness here."
    Dare I say, iconic.

  • Victoria Stewart says:

    Wonderful talk. Very inspirational and a positive spin on an oft negative subject.

  • Kimberly Bega says:

    Thank you for talking about Hodgkin's disease!!!!! I could definitely relate to the connectiom between hair loss and self-image, especially since I was used to getting so many compliments on my hair. I didn't feel comfortable going without my scarf for several months until my hair grew out to a certain length because I have a somewhat angular face and was worried I'd be mistaken for a guy. People around me would be like, "You don't need to cover it up, you look fine," and I would think something along the lines of, "It's MY head, I get to decide." Even six years cancer free I still wear my hair long even in summer because I associate me having short hair with me being sick, plus I just like the look better. On the flipside, when I was growing my hair back out, it started growing in ringlets until I got it trimmed. People would say how gorgeous my hair was and I would think, "If you only knew what I had to go through to get this hair." Though I have to admit it did look fabulous and I was a little sad that it lost the effect with a few more trims.

  • AlyssaJade Butlin says:

    I personally have had my own struggles with gender identity as well as cerebral palsy, i hid my transgender for 48 & 1/2 years and am now embracing my gender identity , however you are still aware of both the stigma attached with disability as well as transgender people, even as a transgender lesbian female I still have days where I hate my body.

  • Chris Butler says:

    Just found this channel… Jessica should be declared a national treasure.

  • Sarah Jo says:

    This video was extremely comforting. As a side effect from medication, I've been rapidly gaining weight, and it doesn't always bother me. But sometimes it makes me physically uncomfortable like when none of my clothes fit properly anymore or I see yet another new stretch mark or when I physically heavier.
    I'm all for body positivity which is why when I feel uncomfortable in my own skin lately, I've felt guilty about it. But like sometimes I just need to say "I'm gaining weight and I'm chubbier than usual, and I'm not always comfortable with it" and not be discredited with friends going "noooo, you're beautiful, you look fine" like thank you, but I still feel uncomfortable. So please don't invalidate my feelings.

  • Ami Melaine says:

    This is just wonderful.

  • Penelope Troxell Millar says:

    Thanks for bringing up the origins of the body positivity movement! That gets forgotten a lot.

  • Roger O'Donnell says:

    The only acceptable unsolicited comment on the appearance of others is the low key presentation of information that they have lipstick on their teeth (usually wrapped in sympathy, and partially in mime) after that, it's simply rude.

  • Chelsey Shorten says:

    I needed this video. I've been real down about being ill and not being able to do what I feel I'm supposed to do. You always remind me that I'm not alone and that my feelings are ok. Thank you.

  • marsha831 says:

    This reminds me how I can fool myself when I only take in how people physically appear. It's important to let others tell me how they feel, rather than me assume they're 'fine.' Not everything is visible.

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